I was adopted as a baby by two of the most wonderful and loving parents that any child could ever wish for. We were extremely close and my mother always said that I was the greatest gift that she had ever received.
The fact that I was adopted was never an issue for any of us. There was absolutely no doubt that I was their son and they were my mum and dad in every way.
Even the way my mother explained to me that I was adopted shows this. I was about 8 years old at the time. She sat me down one day and said “I think you are old enough to understand this now. I have something important to explain to you. Your father and I did not actually give birth to you. Instead, we chose to adopt you because we wanted you so much”.
After explaining what adoption was further, she then said something that has stayed with me all of my life. She said “I understand that some adopted children struggle with it. If the fact that you were adopted ever becomes an issue for you, I want you to always remember that, while you may not have grown under my heart, you have ALWAYS grown in it.”
How could anyone possibly have an issue with that? For me, the fact that I was adopted was irrelevant. I was where I was meant to be, I was wanted and loved. I honestly believe that I felt this way, at least in part, because my mum was wise enough to tell me at a young age and, of course, in the gentlest and most caring way possible.
My father and I were also incredibly close. After my mother passed away in the late 1980s we became even closer and I was his carer for over 20 years as his health declined until he passed away in 2008.
I will always cherish the memories of my mother and father.
Then, at age 32, I suddenly received a telephone call. It was from my biological sister who had tracked me down as a 50th birthday gift for our birth mother.
I was shocked to discover that I actually had another family, including my biological mother, three sisters and a brother.
When I met my birth mother in person, she explained to me that she was 17 years old when she found out that she was pregnant with me. She explained that she had no family or financial support to enable her to keep the baby and was faced with only 2 possible choices – either to have an abortion, or give me up for adoption. Thankfully she chose adoption as she has never believed in abortion.
Once I met them I had a strong desire to get to know this new family. I moved from NSW to Qld so that I could be closer to them. They accepted not only me, but also my dad into the family. My niece and nephew even called my dad “Poppy”
I am confused about why there is such a stigma around the question of adoption. I believe that, done correctly, it can be the greatest gift that benefits everybody involved. Consider what my birth mother’s choice gave. My parents desperately wanted a child but were unable to have one, yet they got me. I got to have this life.
My birth mother did not have to feel the guilt of ending a life and my siblings got a new brother to get to know. None of this would have been possible if my birth mother had chosen to have an abortion.
I am living proof that adoption can work. I was blessed with the 2 most loving, caring parents to grow up with and then, as an adult, got to have a second amazing family whom I have come to love very much. I feel so lucky to have this.
I am eternally grateful to my birth mother for giving this to me instead of choosing the “simpler” option of having an abortion, which would have meant that I never existed at all.
I am sharing my story in the hope that other people in similar situations choose to adopt and give other families the opportunity that my family has had.
