The Good, The Bad, And ……..The Wonderful!
Contributed by Dorothy, who brought her story in to the Cherish Life office in 2015
I’ll never forget how she felt in my arms as I carried her down the steps to the waiting group of smiling people. It was a private adoption arranged through my doctor so I had complete trust in the folk to whom I was entrusting my little one.
“Do not look at your baby” – these words stuck in my mindwise and kindly words- but not easy. “You will never give her up if you do”.
I felt her weight—I knew she was fit and healthy— in fact, perfect, so the doctor said! I handed over the little bundle to the delightful lady who was acting as go-between—I was not allowed to meet the adopting parent, and then I turned away to begin my life again…
How did it begin? A vulnerable young. woman, a second violent rape and the possibility of pregnancy. After much turmoil the doctor confirmed my fears and suggested some options.
Telling my mother was sad I felt I had let her down but there were no reprimands rather, she felt she had let me down. Some good advice from mother and doctor had me leaving work. ”Going to look after sick relatives” was an easy excuse at the workplace. I packed my bags and left for a faraway city where I was not known and some work had been arranged for me by my doctor. The job was at a rest home for wealthy new mothers and of course, I was the lowest of the low and regarded as one of the “loose girls”. I worked in the kitchen, the laundry, mopped the nursery floors, carried breakfast trays up the stairs to the lucky mums who could lie in bed and have their needs catered for.
It was rather a lonely life. Three other girls in like condition were on the staff but we had little in common. One ‘lass’ had hoped to become engaged and trusted her “fella” too much. Another lass was undergoing her second pregnancy— “It’s OK”, she said, “the baby will be adopted, I don’t care!”
The day came, my waters broke and a hurried dash to pack my few things and go to the hospital. I seemed to be in labor a long time but that’s probably how every new mum feels! Then there I was, staring at the doctor between my knees— “You have a baby girl!”
Three weeks later I was home and ready to start my life over again. Time passed, then marriage— only to find that my husband and I could not bear children, so we adopted first a little boy, then a little girl and life went on and I had the opportunity to enjoy motherhood.
When the children had grown up and left home, I left my failing marriage and started another new life and was delighted when my new husband encouraged me to search for my little one so we followed up the usual legal paths and a few others too but with no luck.
Then I received an unusual phone call “Are you Mrs, …….., formerly Mrs…….., formerly ………?” “Yes, I am. “Thank you” and the person rang off!
A few days later there was a letter, asking if I had been in a certain city in a certain year and one or two other trivial questions. Yes, I had been in that city in that year giving birth to my daughter but no one else alive knew except the adopting parents! There was a phone number, shall I ring? How could I not!
With some trepidation, I rang the phone number and spoke for the first time to my daughter! We were both so excited, asking so many questions. After several days and daily phone calls, we agreed that it would be good for us to meet. One hears many stories of circumstances where things do not turn out right so we were a bit cautious. Arrangements were made and we met.
The excitement, the tears, the hugs as I discovered this newer version of me! I met her husband, her sons and eventually her adopting parents and the relationship between us has been one of harmony and caring. She has met the rest of my family, my adopted son and daughter, and although they see one another rarely there is harmony there too.
I could write pages and pages of the things we have discovered about ourselves – my daughter slams doors like I do, she burns saucepans like I do, walks like me, talks like me, even thinks like me often… ….SO many traits, silly or important. My husband has encouraged me all the way and it has been a most rewarding passage through my life.
I’m writing this to share with you the sadness and the joys of giving up a part of yourself, and, in return, being given a part of someone else to cherish and love.